the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
