Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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