I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
