how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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