The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
