I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Im part way to drunk.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
