Screwed.edu
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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