Did you just see the Batmobile???
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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