A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
