I don't remember. Are we still dating?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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