all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
