you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize