Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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