Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
