How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
