Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize