We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He passed out mid-signature
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
