Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
