I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
