They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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