My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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