I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
