Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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