he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
