It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize