Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he shaved USA in his pubs
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
