o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
