Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
