I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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