sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
