Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
