Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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