im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
