there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
