You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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