You just made me feel so damn special
my being single is dangerous.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
