i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize