I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
