I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just gargled with NyQuil
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
