Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
