it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
