i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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