booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dignity is for republicans.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
