I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dude i'm inner monologue high
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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