im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
