She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
