And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
