i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
