There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize