Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
