WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My vagina just recognized that song.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
