there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
