hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We had sex on a dog bed..
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
