So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
