i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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