So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The adults are the big ones right?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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