I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
