dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
