That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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