i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
