I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize