your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
