i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
