so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
