I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
