That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
