Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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