you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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