my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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