A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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