I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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