I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize