how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
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