Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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