now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
