went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
operation have a gay friend backfired
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
