i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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