and you said cock pushups were impossible
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Randomize
