ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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