I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
