Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
