I accidentally burped into my bong.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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