Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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