i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
