Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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