So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
